Latest Posts

• Hello Manic Phase

  💭 I’m free (of responsibilities.)

• Goodbye my dear Blue

  💭 Blue’s dead. He tested my non-faith on his way out. As most of my friends know, I don’t believe in the universe, gods, karma, only in chance and coincidence. It was a peaceful moment, we were able to let him go outside in the sun with a lovely view over Switzerland. About 90 minutes later, on this warm and sunny day, a cloud passed and unleashed a five minute downpour while the sun was still shining. The most beautiful complete rainbow appeared right in front of our balcony. It’s an understatement to say that I sobbed…

• What A Difference A Month Makes

  💭 I’ve not updated this journal in a few weeks because my elderly (16!) dog is ill, and it’s really getting to me.
  I spent two weeks in Switzerland looking after Blue. Cleaning the floor. Cleaning Blue. Applying nappy rash cream. Drying dog paws. Cleaning myself. Washing the dog beds. A weirdly exhausting Perpetuum Mobile.
  Then I took a flight to London for the Taylor Swift gig (which was…difficult for me for reasons), followed by the Self-Publishing Show (where I was volunteering) before heading back to Switzerland because Blue wasn’t recovering.
  Vets diagnosed him with colitis. We’re not sure if anything else is going on.
  Currently, it feels as though he’s slowly declining. He’s not regaining his appetite, no matter what we give him.
  I also got stuck in Luton for 24 hours and had the pleasure of experiencing the local Premier Inn and its food. It seemed to be auditioning as setting for a sequel to The Shining.
  On the upside, Switzerland won a football match? Perhaps 2024 is my country’s year, since it’s definitely not my year.

• Eh...

  💭 Last year, I read two books about happiness in order to try to figure out how I could be happier for her. Hahaha.

• How Much Sad

  💭 I thrive on chaos, and as C said perhaps I need more chaos, but this week I’m mostly just sad because I’d finally convinced myself that I wanted her and not chaos. Heh. In general, this was a week filled with a lot more sadness than I would have liked. Then C made me project manage my life with a Trello board. Where do I sue?

• Finding New Hobbies

  💭 I was discussing hobbies with my dad (do I want to learn Japanese, Korean, Mandarin or start making soap?) and he suggested a photography course. Not a bad shout, dad. Not a bad shout.
  Drawing? I loved drawing as a teen, but my mother once told me that I have no talent. And I lost all interest in it, but as I’ve realised lately, a lot of my life decisions (degree, job, etc.) and hobbies are in response to what I thought was expected of me.
  How do I figure out what I want to do? How do I explore creativity when I’ve willingly stuffed myself into a box all of my life?

• Week Two

  💭 I’ve met an author once who makes a living writing Jane Austen fanfiction, and it blew my mind.

• Who Am I?

  💭 I don’t know who I am, so I figured I could share that and other thoughts with the Internet because, well, why not? I spent my entire childhood being who I thought I had to be in order to survive. I didn’t study what I wanted to study (to be honest, I didn’t know what I wanted to study). I have no idea who or what I want to be, and frankly I don’t know how to find that out. Someone send help.